I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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