I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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