I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
