They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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