I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
