guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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