Porn is love you can see.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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