This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
