Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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