go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
