neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
