Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
