What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
