I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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