I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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