it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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