3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
