I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
