That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
