you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
