DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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