She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
