if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize