there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
