: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
