It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
