i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
