i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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