Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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