do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
