I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
