this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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