Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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