I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
