my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
