Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
