So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
