Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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