1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
