the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
