Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize