I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
