3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
