I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
