Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you still have your period?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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