If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
