Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
