he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
