we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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