i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
