I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
