You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
