omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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