I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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