I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
