yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize