IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
