I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
