i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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