one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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