i just had sex bonerless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
