How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's the barista slut.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
