remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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