You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
