just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
