Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
