i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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