my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
