I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can text with my tongue
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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