I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
