im about as happy as oj after his trial
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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