ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
