Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
