hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
