wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
