Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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