We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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