Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
